aaron schwab

in talking to me last night, Cagney pointed out to me that she doesn’t have a lot to tell or show people when they ask about my photography work — all i do outside of work, really, is shoot bands. she thinks i should have my camera on me all the time and walk around and shoot scenery and people and whatever else i can see in order to get myself out there as something more than an occasional band photographer.

and she’s 100% right.

i’m almost ashamed. Cagney and Candice are going to be Taylor Jackson’s subjects for a photoshoot he’s doing tomorrow, and while i’m not insecure about this in any way, i’m mildly jealous. i can sit around and talk about photography until i’m blue in the face, but what i need to do more of (and this is what i’m ashamed to admit) is get out there and actually do it more. i’ve been vocally critical of TJ’s work in the past, and part of me thinks that i’m simply emulating my boss’ views towards his work — that he’s some young dynamo who jumped into the photography world and started snapping away without any knowledge of the history of his craft (the likes of which i’m not sure if TJ possesses or not.)

the more i learn about photography from a classically-educated individual, the more technical rights and wrongs i see, and i fear there’s a double-edged blade to this in the sense that it’s bringing me to lose my appreciation for something that breaks a traditional rule of photography but may still be aesthetically pleasing.

Taylor Jackson is a good photographer and i’m very stoked to see the end results of the photos he takes of Cagney and Candice. there are two things i can do in light of these revelations that Cagney has shone light upon for me (again, i’m sad to say); i can bitch and moan about it and get all down into the dumps about my own quality and quantity of work, or i can get off my self-pitying ass and take some goddamn pictures.

… and it’s the latter that i need to do, without question. not only do i want to be better at this for myself, but i want to show Cagney that the last thing i am is a quitter in the face of criticism or a challenge. i don’t know if Cagney realizes how good she is for me in the sense that she makes me want to constantly improve my own situation — for my own sake, obviously, but also for the sake of making her proud of me. nothing would sadden me more than her being disappointed in me; and nothing makes me happier than her being proud of me.

babe, you make me want to be a better person and it means the world to me that you want to see me do better and better for myself. i love you; thank you. now, i’m going to make you proud of me.

as of this afternoon, we’re officially done shooting grad photos until January. Joe relieved me of my photographic duties today so that he could spend some time working alongside Mary at the university, and so i had the day off, but i went in close to the end of the work day to pick up a hard drive of images and some supplies so that i can spend until next Wednesday burning proof image CDs for the science faculty’s class of ‘09.

at first, it’s an appealing thought to have such a large block of time off (from today until sometime in January), but i know that after a week of not being busy, i’ll be bored. how convenient it is, thusly, that my mother’s place of work needs seasonal help for what more or less amounts to bitch work at minimum wage. but bitch work at minimum wage would keep me busy for a couple weeks as well as throw a few hundred dollars into my pocket that wasn’t there before, so i think i’m going to snatch up the chance (after taking this upcoming week off, during which i have enough things that need to get done soon to keep me busy.)

but, i’m off to bed. tonight was a fairly low-key Phil’s night for Cagney, Ashley and i — something about that place has just seemed off to me the past few times we’ve been. it’s almost as if its lost a lot of its zest. either that, or Cagney and i need to go with more than just two or three people. the fact that the dance floor is almost dead most nights now depresses me further. i’d hate to think of finding a new haunt, but if that’s what it comes to, i guess i’ll have to suck up paying more than two and a quarter for a drink!

the great John Pfahl once said, according to Joe, that he’d never visit a university to talk to students in October, as October presented the best natural light of the year and that he’d see them in December when the light sucks.

oddly enough, this statement of Mr. Pfahl’s was the first thing that came to my mind as i walked to and from University Plaza just now to grab a sub. it’s cold and wet and the sky is grey and dreary and, to top it off, i now smell like subs. don’t get me wrong, i love subs — just not smelling like them. in spite of the faint aroma of cold cuts on my clothing and the drab atmosphere outside, there’s a light at the end of this particular Wednesday’s tunnel, and it will come in the form of five o’clock today, when i finish up shooting grads for the month (and, subsequently, the year.) Joe and Mary are going to take over the remaining two days of photographing science grads at UW so i can hunker down at home for a couple days to burn proof CDs.

also, it’s just dawned on me how smashingly thrilling this entry is. such is my mental state on the home stretch of work for the time being, it seems.

also also, did i mention that Cagney made me breakfast this morning? i don’t think i did, but i’ve surely previously mentioned the degree to which her constant insistence on feeing me rules. thank you, baby!

update: turns out some things have come up that have Joe’s hands tied for an extra day, so it looks like i’ll be shooting alongside Mary tomorrow. oh well! all this means is one less day off, which will hardly hurt me.

today was my marathon workday with Joe, and my estimation as to its timeframe was pretty spot-on; we left my house, Toronto-bound, at about 10:30 in the morning and i just got home at 3:00 sunday morning. so, 17 hours out of the house, only 10 or 11 of which were actual, single-train-of-thought work (“only” being used very subjectively.)

tonight’s event — a 15th anniversary event for Altima Dental, whose annual events Joe has shot for four years now — was hosted at Toronto’s illustrious Granite Club. upon hearing of the strict formalwear guidelines in place at the club, i got suited up before leaving with Joe, and was reminded of the fact that i do indeed clean up rather nicely, slimfit pinstripe suit that i desire though it may not be:

after getting into Toronto, Joe and i had a few stops to make along the way en route to the Granite Club; food, backdrop paper and — spontaneously so — shoes (we passed by a storefront that was advertising $29 Converse and Vans, but nothing decent was to be had in my size 11. i would’ve walked away from there with something decent if my feet fit into 13’s, though.)

we ended up stopping at a Subway to satisfy the ol’ hunger pangs, which i did by wolfing down my customary footlong roast chicken sub inundated with hot sauce in a flat six minutes. after our subs were ordered, Joe ran to the bathroom quickly, and i observed a rather infuriating exchange between a customer and a Subway employee. the customer was a tall, middle-aged man who, while idly fiddling with his Blackberry, sarcastically berated the Subway employee about the company’s financial well being: “oh, don’t give me the plastic cutlery; you’ll save money that way. you’re just a franchise, you wanna save money.” or, “no, no, no, don’t put my salads in a bag, that’ll just cost you money.” after a bitterly sarcastic closing remark, the man left the store with a stroller in tow (poor kid’s got to grow up in an environment with that attitude), and i promptly leaned over the counter to politely inquire as to what was up that guy’s ass. i was told by the Subbie, as i’ll lovingly refer to her as — she does provide the masses with Subway, after all — that the man kept requesting extra cheese on his order and subsequently asking if there was an extra charge for it. after being told that there is, he okayed it and asked for another helping of cheese, but was only charged for one. this sounds like a good deal — receiving triple cheese for the price of double is a rare stroke of luck in the world today — but the man apparently bitched out the cashier upon hearing his order’s total, and then went on to whine about the store overcharging and skimping on ingredients and “oh no, you need to save money!”

i couldn’t help but eye this fat fuck down from off to the side as i waited for Joe to resurface. had i not been suited up and on work duty as an ambassador for JPB Photography, i seriously would’ve spoken up about his irrational behaviour, calling the man out on not only his unfair treatment of a Subway employee who doesn’t make the rules that she’s given to follow, but also on the fact that such treatment of her likely signifies some sort of superiority complex, with which he feels entitled to berate people who he sees as “less” than him just because he’s in a suit and tie and has a piece of corporate jewelry to fiddle with, which he does so conspicuously in order to exert his feelings of self-importance by making it look like he’s up to something important when he’s really probably just ignoring texts from his wife who is asking him on their kids’ behalf why their daddy works so long and is so miserable when he comes home late from work every night, but are too young to understand the explanation that daddy hates his job and he hates his high-powered, white-collar lifestyle and that his marriage to mommy ran out of steam a long time ago because he was too focused on his job and the prospect of the promotion that would earn him nothing more than an extra $10,000 on his paycheque per year and excessive leg-humping from the likes of Smiley McGladhands, who resides just a notch below him on the corporate ladder, which is a ladder that leads to nothing but the pursuit of tacking zeroes onto one’s salary for the sake of something devoid of all sense of actual satisfaction to brag about at company parties, golf tournaments and charity events that are held and promoted by his faceless company for no reason other than to advertise the fact that his faceless company is holding a charity event so as to impress the likes of people who act impressed at his corporate achievements but really just showed up for the appetizers and couldn’t care less that his male pattern baldness and beer gut are the results of the alcohol and stripper addictions his lifestyle has hurtled him headlong into, which are the reasons his wife wants nothing to do with him in the first place, and he thusly feels entitled to treat innocent food industry workers like he’s better than them.

seriously — don’t make me go on a rant about this guy.

anyways.

the gala itself was pretty interesting, to say the least — i’m really not used to being surrounded by and interacting with a social crowd like i interacted with tonight. i hesitate to describe them as “upper-crust,” because that sounds classist and somehow makes them sound like i see them as better than me, but let’s just say interacting with what some might stereotypically see as the upper echelons of society was new to me. hell, i even did my hair for tonight just so i wouldn’t look quite as much like a slob as i ordinarily do. (i suppose it bears mention that the bathroom as the Granite Club are the nicest ones i’ve ever had the pleasure to use for several purposes — they even had a stack of actual towels instead of paper towels, not to mention hardwood doors on the stalls. the fact that there wasn’t a guy handing out wet naps at the sink almost surprises me.)

i’d go on and on and on about the opulence of this place, but suffice to say the food was good (vegetarian samosas and spring rolls for appetizers, a delicious potato and chicken dish for the main course and a make-your-own-sundae bar for dessert, at which i basically filled a dish with chocolate chips), the entertainment was awesome (including traditional Croatian music, Egyptian drummers and bellydancers and a classical opera singer) and the food was good.

but i’d better get to sleep now — i have a long day of housework, dinner with my trifecta of C’s (Cagney, Chris and Candice) and doing large amounts of nothing strenuous ahead of me for the day. and then Monday will roll around, and i will go to work. and again on Tuesday, and again on Wednesday. and then Thursday will roll around and i will say hello to my Christmas holidays, and i might build a snowman in celebration.

it truly seems like i get no sleep these days, and it’s completely my fault.

i crashed at Cagney’s place last night and, even though we got to sleep no later than 11:30, i still felt pooched at work today. and tomorrow (or should i say in seven and a half hours), i’ve got to head out the door, suit-clad, to Toronto to shoot a gala event with Joe. though i love our evenings of event shooting together, as they seem to fly by in a blink, it’ll be a good 17 or 18 hours between leaving and getting home. i seriously don’t allocate enough of my time to acquiring sleep. i’m usually caught up in doing other things until late or staying at Cagney’s place, often overnight — something about which i won’t complain, as i love her company at night and in the morning, and hey; she makes me breakfast. i feel lucky, i’ll admit!

after tomorrow’s go-go-go Saturday, i’ll need the Sunday to sleep in, and sleep in good. the only plans i have for that day are dinner with Cagney, Chris and Candice and maybe a movie afterwards, if there’s time.

i’m looking very much forward to next week at work. i’ll be working all of three days next week — Monday, tuesday and Wednesday — with Mary and Joe finishing off the Thursday and Friday, and then i’ve got the whole week after that off, and i’ll be off until the new year! though it’s bad for the company to have to cut back on sessions due to a lack of attendance, the extra time to stretch my legs and recuperate a little will be nice, and i won’t complain outright if that’s how things are going to be!

it’ll also allot me some extra time to get some Christmas-related things done, as well as a batch of photos in my pipeline edited, posted and delivered if need be.

i’m sitting alone at work right now, waiting for my last session to arrive — the second last one was at 3:45, so i told Mary she could head home if she wanted to. there’s no sense in two of us waiting around for an hour just to shoot one person, so i figure i can handle it myself (indeed i can, after handling two-odd weeks in the engineering department solo.)

i’ve noticed that my job, probably like any other, goes through a daily cycle of exhaustion/renewal; that is to say, by the end of the day, i’m pooped and don’t want to think about another 15-minute photo session, but by the next morning, i feel ready to tackle another 20 or 25 or however many are scheduled for a given day. i’m probably staying home tonight so i can edit together photos i did last Thursday and Friday for Ace Kinkaid and Life Like Rockets respectively, and also so i can hit the hay early; i’ve gotten four or five hours of sleep a night over the past week or so, and i need to catch up on some of that before the weekend, seeing as how Saturday involves shooting a gala in Toronto with Joe (hello 18-hour photo stints!)

another thing that i suppose is worth noting is the progress and outcome thus far of a particular social situation i’ve found myself involved in after a period of observation. i won’t go into gory detail out of respect for the involved peoples’ personal space, and also because any attempt to do so in writing will surely lead to a needlessly convoluted account. suffice to say that events seem to have come to a point where honesty and integrity have prevailed, lessons that need to be learned and growth that has to be made have been presented and good and honest intentions have paid off. as a voluntary participant in said situation, i’ve tried my best to do what’s right for the people that matter the most to me.

on another note of helping a brotha out, The Record is hosting a contest for area bands and musicians to win a little coin based on a submitted video. so click here and watch and vote for Kingdoms’ live video of Atlantis from their first show at the King Street Theatre in Kitchener (if you look closely you can catch glimpses of me taking photos and, more notably, my flash going off at the end of my sync cord.)

good van-related news: my mechanic looked at my serpentine belt today while i was at work and determined that it’s okay, which my mother informed me of via text message mid-day (i’m glad she finally hopped on the cell phone-owning bandwagon.) so, my ‘99 Caravan rides again! or should i say rides still. either way, i’m stoked.

further and further off the trolley of posting every day or every other day i fall. just when i see a block of non-hectic time on the horizon, bam — i end up with things to do. oh well; i truly bring it on myself.

Saturday turned out to be a vein-poppingly hectic day. band practice was basically cancelled, the upside of which was my ability to get home and shower and get my suitcase packed up for a weekend in Stratford with Cagney again. after stopping at Conestoga Mall so Cagney could get some Christmas shopping done, we hopped on the expressway to Stratford, but not before i almost had a goddamn aneurysm due to the design of and traffic within the parking lot at the mall. there are times when i miss the charm of working retail during the Giftmas holiday season; a couple hours navigating around assclowns in the parking lot and walking through the crowds, however, completely dimished that charm.

i know it’s an incredibly trite thing to do to talk about the weather, but was it ever the bane of my existence after hitting the expressway. the day’s constant light rain turned into snow shortly after getting onto the expressway to head towards Stratford and, after getting beyond Trussler Road, it seemed to be snowing sideways. by past New Hamburg, i couldn’t see thirty feet in front of me — what a perfect time foe Cagney to notice that the temperature gauge on my dash was maxed out, eh?

after pulling over (during which time i realized my power steering was gone), we called Cagney’s dad, as we were closer to Stratford than to anywhere else. he suggested we let the van cool off completely and continue on to Stratford as best we can, which we attempted to — an attempt that got us another good kilometer or so, if that. finally, i pulled over again with hazards and interior lights on (to maximize how visible the van was, as i’m sure every other driver on the road was as blind as i was due to the wind) and hollered at Cagney’s dad again. he finally came out after a good 40 or 45 minutes and by then, the van was cool enough to coax it into a nearby inn parking lot, where he looked under the hood and discivered that my serpentine belt had slipped off, which he said was likely the cause of slush splashing up under the van (a postulation later corroborated by my mechanic.)

Sunday morning, Cagney’s dad and i went back to where we’d left the van and, after another good 40 minutes of poking, prodding, pulling and profaning he got the blasted belt back on its pulleys. after letting the van idle long enough to feel confident in the belt’s traction, i headed back to Stratford. the belt held out during my drive home, the likes of which was plagued by hugely indecisive weather (alternating periods of rain, snow and clarity.)

though my van was alright throughout Sunday and yesterday, i took it in to my mechanic this morning so he can inspect it and possibly replace the belt if need be. my wonderful and illustrious mother gave me a lift from his shop to work, from where i’m completing writing this blog (i started it last night but realized that i needed to get at least a few hours of sleep before work.)

so, that’s my story — it was a little harrowing at first, but it could’ve been worse. thankfully, i keep a blanket in the car for just such an occasion. three cheers for motherly advice!

seems like an appropriate similie to describe how much i tossed and turned while attempting to fall asleep last night at Cagney’s place. last night is no isolated incident, though; i’ve been lucky to break five hours of sleep on any given night this week. regardless, i’ve had a surprising amount of stamina during the days, thanks in part to coffee (a beverage with which i have rekindled my love affair after an extended period of self-imposed basnishment), gorging on whatever food i can whenever a window of opportunity to do so presents itself and a sheer and unadulterated high on life, the likes of which has had no burnout thus far. when and if that burnout hits, however, i’m sure i’ll sleep for several days.

i’ve had literally next to no time to sit down today until now, and it’s damn well quarter to three in the morning on a worknight when my alarm is set for quarter after seven in the morning (so, like, four and a half hours from now. smashing.)

my day today went as follows (please feign interest if the genuine variety goes tits up): wake up at Cagney’s place at 7:15; get her to work by 8:45; get myself to work by 9:00 sharp; work until 5:30; make a beeline for the nearest Subway and forego the mastication component of consuming a footlong; jet home; shower; make haste for Cagney’s work to pick her up; collapse for a few minutes at her place; head to Starlight to take commissioned live photos of Ace Kinkaid at their CD release party (they were awesome, by the way); walk Cagney home and exchange goodnights; get home; dump flash card of photos from the night onto desktop; type this out of sheer personal obligation to document mundane minutae of everyday life in blog form.

and now i need to go get my solid four hours and change of sleep for the night before working tomorrow, after which i’ll finish charging AAs for my flash so i can head to the Schwaben Club to shoot yet another band’s live set upon request — i swear, my camera gets more mileage than my van. after that, if times coincide nicely (and i’m hoping they will), i’ll be off to Cagney’s place to get ready for a night out at Phil’s with herself and Ashley, who’s home from Brantford for the weekend. after what i’m sure will be a stupendous escapade of a bar night, i’ll go back with Cagney to her place and pass out yet again before going to band practice just shy of 11:00 in the morning on Saturday, after which i’ll go home and get cleaned up before heading back to Cagney’s so the two of us can get to Stratford by mid-afternoon for what had damn well better be a very well-deserved day and a half or so of relaxation.

and it is only in typing this that i realize how fleeting my sleep is as of late and how much of a blessing and a curse having one’s own vehicle at their disposal is (not that i’m complaining, mind you.) it almost seems the more hectic my life is, the more i have to write in this blog, but the less time i have in which to do so. someone should write a book about this very concept …

i’ve posted a blog on the Phineas Gage band myspace and made a thread on fiveonenine, so i might as well say it here: Phineas Gage, as it exists under that name, is done. here’s the blog from the band page, copied verbatim:

Phineas Gage, as it exists in its current form, has decided to call it quits.

Our EP, Beginnings, is still available for free download here. Download it and enjoy it, and look forward to what’s to come from us!

so there you have it. i’m actually glad to be retiring the band as it existed as Phineas Gage. we’ve recently been jamming with a new member — our near and dear friend Anuj — whenever our collective schedules allow (which had better increase in frequency soon) and plan to reform under a new name, which is as of yet unchosen. though i enjoyed playing under the name Phineas Gage with Tim and Matt — i recall our road trip to Perth and Ottawa for the sake of playing one show and recording last fall with Jordan Valeriote with particular fondness — i’m looking forward to doing bigger and better things and writing better, tighter songs as a reformed band, with a new member and slightly shuffled musical roles. as soon as events unfold, i’ll surely post them here for my legions of loyal subscribers.